It started off as an ordinary Saturday. Fajr, followed by a quick run on the treadmill, and a freshly brewed Kona coffee at home. I sometimes realize that I probably love the aroma of coffee more than drinking it, although I still enjoy loud sips of the heavenly juice! I had many plans of my own for that Saturday, mostly revolving around family, kids, personal rejuvenation, nature, and perhaps some writing. In the midst of sipping my coffee slowly while attempting to watch a less-known Canadian TV show called Heartland, I received a phone call from an unknown number.
I hesitated for a second to answer. After all, it's my Saturday, and everyone knows I’m off. Perhaps they’ll call someone else if they need help? Maybe they’ll contact me on Monday? Or maybe they’ll send a text message? All kinds of ideas raced through my head in a fraction of a second as I stared anxiously at the number on my phone screen, weighing my options. But with great hesitation, I answered in the end, perhaps during the last ring. Her voice was frail, and her tone was melancholic. She led off the conversation:
Assalamu alaykum. Is this Imam Azeez? I anxiously said: Yes, this is him. How may I be of assistance?
She went on to express her gratitude that I took her call on a Saturday morning and that she got my number from so-and-so who is related to so-and-so (all names I did not recognize). The next hour showed me beyond doubt that any assumption I ever had about my work, and all the considerations about my experience, all vaporized, and I realized one thing that is as true as the light of day: I have NOT seen it all, as I keep convincing myself.
Without even letting me speak a word, the sister went on to describe the gruesome details of the worst abusive marriage relationship I had ever witnessed. I was thinking in my head the whole time, that if half of what she says is true, someone could write a movie about it, and it’ll break all box office records. The thing is, though, she only managed to contact me because her husband just traveled overseas on a long vacation and plans to stay for a long time. She finally felt that the time was right to share her plight with someone she hoped could help. The rest of my Saturday was spent meeting her and her sister, connecting her with a therapist, contacting her husband and his family to verify the story, arranging a counseling session for her children with a local youth counselor, contacting an attorney to see the extent of my legal responsibilities, getting that same attorney to help the sister pro bono since she has neither job nor income and giving my truck to a brother in order to help her take her stuff to her sister’s home.
I sat on my recliner at night, staring into my backyard, lost in thought, examining how my day was spent, and I couldn’t help but feel a modicum of frustration that I ended up achieving very little of my plans for the day. The events of that particular Saturday were not out of the ordinary, I remember thinking to myself. This is how most days are spent anyway. Of all my daily plans, I usually achieve perhaps about 10% of my goals and the rest I’m responding and reacting to the challenges that are thrown my way on the path of God as a servant of the community. It's not easy to have plans and then see them get derailed regularly. Many times vacations get canceled, and family time ends up postponed. I remember once canceling an overseas trip and losing a big sum of money on nonrefundable hotel accommodations because I needed to sign escrow for a property acquired by the Masjid. I make plans every day, but as the days unfold, those plans take a backseat to address ongoing challenges. Meeting upon meeting, email upon email, text message upon text message, and phone call after phone call. It sometimes appears that it never ends.
For the longest time, my idea about how my day should be spent involved activities such as building long-term youth goals, setting up a plan to build an endowment, creating a structure for a book project, establishing organizational partnerships, and perhaps regional chapter development. My ideas about progress always revolve around top-level stuff. Without that, I always felt that I didn’t achieve much and that my days were not productive. But it seems that such plans always get “derailed” by the necessity to help someone, attend to mundane situations, or focus my attention on small tasks. As if by design, focusing on “low-level” tasks takes precedence over achieving “top-level” endeavors. Being with people seems to always take precedence over being with ideas.
In the midst of my frustration, or perhaps just confusion, my wife interrupted me and brought me back to earth. She asked me inquisitively about my mood and why I was removed. I told her how I felt. I said:
I have plans to serve God every day, and my plans always get interrupted! She paused for a few seconds, looked into my soul with her penetrating eyes, and answered instinctively, enunciating every letter: What if helping people is the best plan that God wants for you?
I looked at her with bewilderment and stared wide-eyed for a moment. I was astonished by what she said. It felt as if I was hearing it for the first time. I asked her: What did you just say? She answered, in her typical cavalier fashion: I said, what if being with people is what you’re supposed to do anyway? I asked her in a broken voice, still trying to wrap my head around the bomb she just dropped on my lap: Can you elaborate? She said: We come up with our own plans to serve God. Sometimes he compels us to follow His. You might think that a particular path is the best way to serve God, but why shouldn’t you just surrender when He tells you exactly how to serve Him?
I spent the next two days mulling over the wise words that flew out of my wife’s mouth like she’s been doing philosophy her entire life. What my wife said was essentially the type of life-altering stuff that haunts you forever. What if she’s right? What if all my attempts to serve God were really misguided and misinformed? I’m sure it's not a waste of time to try to expand the reach of God’s work and think strategically for the community, but what if that should always take the backseat when it comes to helping actual people on a day-to-day basis? If all we do, ultimately, is about serving God by serving His people, then why not feel excited and fulfilled when an opportunity presents itself to serve one of God’s people directly? To spend time with someone in need? To counsel someone in distress? One might be engaged in building shelters for the homeless, but in the midst of his noble efforts, when there’s a chance to put a blanket on a homeless person until the shelter is finished, one shouldn’t miss the opportunity!
On a daily basis, things might feel awfully frustrating for spiritual workers. Incessant demands, little gratitude, excessive burnout, and constant frustration usually characterize the journey.
Responding to the day-to-day demands of the path often leaves one in damp spirits. But my wife’s words made me wonder: if there’s a general who leads an army of 100, but only 5 of them are qualified to be his special ops soldiers, who would he choose when a clandestine operation needs to be executed? More than likely, the general will elect the most qualified and will send his top 5 soldiers on that mission. The rest still have roles and can still man their posts, but He has to send the right man to the right mission. What if the Almighty God sees something in us that makes us deserving of the honor of service? What if we’re so busy and nearly burned out with God’s work, only because He saw something in us that made us worthy of his attention? What if we’re God’s top soldiers, fit for special ops?
Of all the realizations I’ve had to experience in my life, this one is on the list of the most profound. Not only that I realize that serving Allah (SWT) through serving those who are in need is perhaps the most noble undertaking, but it became clear to me that the more arduous the task becomes, the more one discovers his or her value in the sight of the Creator. What a liberating thought! The path toward God’s contentment is not always clear. There are usually many competing priorities. Is God the happiest with us when we pray more, fast more, donate more, or strive more? But perhaps one should not be asking those questions. Whatever spiritual tasks God facilitates for you on a given day, that is what He wants for you and expects of you, and therefore fulfilling them would be most effective in bringing about his contentment. It doesn't matter whether the task is saying supportive words to a woman in her struggles, or conducting strategic meetings to expand the reach of God’s word. And the more hectic one’s day gets in serving the Creator, the clearer the realization that one actually has something to offer. The day Allah opened my heart to my wife’s advice, was the day I stopped complaining, and my life is significantly better off for it.
A day later, after the fateful chat with my wife, I was preparing the khutba. While I was doing my research, I was searching for the chain of narration of a particular hadith trying to authenticate it. But just as food and wealth are mere gifts from God, so are profound insights. I came across this other hadith instead, and it put a big smile on my face:
إذا أرادَ اللَّهُ بعبدٍ خيرًا استعملَهُ. فقيلَ: كيفَ يستعملُهُ يا رسولَ اللَّهِ؟ قالَ: يوفِّقُهُ لعملٍ صالحٍ قبلَ الموتِ
If Allah desires something good for one of his worshipers, He uses him! They asked: How does He use him, Messenger of God? He said: He guides him to perform a righteous deed before death.
It all happens based on God’s will and priorities, not ours. The day your plans get “derailed” is the day Allah saw good in you and made you deserving of the great honor of performing a task of His choosing!